The Ripple Effect

Divorce is final and it can feel like a great big stone has been dropped from an almighty height right into the epicentre of your life.
It's hard to think about the ripple effect at first but as the dust settles you start to realise that it isn't just you, your ex or the kids that this momentous change has had an effect on – it’s friends, it's the ex- mother-in-law, it's the ex-brother-in-law, it's the aunts and uncles, nieces, nephews, grandparents, work colleagues and even the pets who are affected by those ripples.
You may have spent years with these extended families, going on holidays, sharing Christmases and being part of each other's lives. But, as is usually the way when divorce happens there is that divide, that unwritten rule of family and friends sticking by one or the other, usually dictated by blood or who has known a friend the longest.
It may be that the friendship group you once shared is no longer a group at all, friends often feel they need to pick sides and often one party is left mourning the loss of friends as well as their ex and the life they once had.
Divorce can leave you grieving for more than the marriage you lost; you can be left grieving for connection, with his mum or her great aunt who always brightened up a family party or just a friend you were used to calling up when upset but no longer feel you can. It could be that your children still have a wonderful relationship with the ex’s parents – their grandparents but you can no longer be in a room with them.
Going through a divorce is a minefield in itself but the aftermath can be just as daunting. The ripple effect can seem endless. But in time the ripples settle to calmer waters. New connections are made and old ones find a new norm.
Give it time – the wisest words ever spoken – time heals all wounds.

Barber & Co – Our Advice Is Good Because We Listen– Jacquie Birkett has such a personal touch she often gets updates of new marriages, babies and happier times from previous clients long after she acts for them.