There is a reason people say that divorce is one of the most stressful times in our lives. Breaking up with a significant other can be incredibly difficult. It has been said that when a relationship breaks down we go through a grieving process commonly called the 5 stages of grief.
1. Denial – when a relationship ends, even if it is our decision to end it, it can be difficult to accept that it is over. Denial is nature’s way of only letting in what we can handle, if we did not go through this stage the loss could be too painful to deal with all at once. We cannot stay here forever though and ultimately the loss is something we need to face.
2. Anger – this is the phase where we hear stories of burning our ex’s clothes or throwing all their belongings out of the window. It is when we feel resentment and pain and we turn this into anger. We may lash out at everyone around us and have less patience with day to day tasks. Anger is an important part of healing. We need to feel the anger to be able to move past it. Bottling it up is not an option. Find an outlet for the frustration, be it kickboxing or signing up for a marathon anything that helps to process the anger.
3. Bargaining – ah yes, the stage of bargaining… late night texts asking our ex to come back, thinking we/our ex can change, holding onto what was and wishing things could go back to the way they were. If only we had said this, if only we had done that the relationship would not have ended. It is a time when people may try and repair the damage caused and try to get back together with their ex. It is perfectly normal when faced with huge changes in our lives to cling to what we know but let us not forget why we are here and where we want to be.
4. Depression – when the reality of the separation hits. The realisation that life has and will continue to significantly change. Dealing with things such as having to face those first solo social engagements like holidays, parties and even weddings. All of these changes and losses can feel overwhelming. It is normal to be sad about the loss of a life once had but eventually this phase passes as the healing continues. If it doesn’t seem to pass make sure you seek advice from a qualified professional and get the support you need.
5. Acceptance – the last stage of grieving- the moving on phase. Accepting the relationship as part of the past and understand that divorce/ separation is a necessary part of the journey to a better you. Let go of negativity and overwhelming emotions and know you have come out of it a stronger person.
We understand what you are going through. Realising where you are in the 5 stages can help you accept your situation and help to deal with it. Also, not everyone will go through all of the five stages or in the order mentioned above. Everyone is affected by divorce / separation differently and your situation is unique to you. Barber & Co. have the experience and knowledge to really help guide you through these stages.
Our advice is good because we listen.